DeVotchKa - How It Ends - How It Ends
After running around so much, I was exhausted and just wanted to go home...but first, I chose to do something I shouldn't have, and something which is one of the worst things I have managed to do yet. Verily the night went down hill. I must chose not to say anything further both for love of others involved and the respect I should have shown them in the first place...and because I just can't find the words to make anything right anymore. I've lost something which I had held as staunch and encouraging and both by my own actions and the actions of others involved, turned it into something unerringly different. I don't know how I will make it through the changes coming.
Trying to get past that for now, for my own sake and others...
The first thing I said upon coming down from the Flatiron was that it was "life changing".
I've found something amazing, a feeling... something which I've lost in so many other aspects of my life. I want to climb traditionally...There are aspects of it which appeal to me, the leave no trace ethic and such...but what really does it is the control over the situation which I seem to have all too frequently relinquished control...there is a point where you make the decision to press on and climb higher, possibly beyond something you normally consider in your comfort zone.
To me, Trad is becoming the purest form of climbing. I've done some freesoloing and I feel as strongly about that, but you are taking your own life into your hands, and for me, branching off into this, I feel that responsibility with each piece of protection I place. There is no (or less at least) casually clipping into hangars someone else has hung; there is no connect the dots of bolts to follow. As the climber, you are control. If you feel comfortable in the climbing, your protection may be 15...25 feet apart...if you feel sketched and helpless you undoubtedly try to sew in as many pieces as you can... if there is no place for you to do as much, your decision to push past is yours.
If you can break through you can find yourself in a place or perhaps a moment of temporary transcendental ascension. Metaphorically as well as the literal fact of climbing...
I don't believe in god...but if I did, I could only hope that belief would feel as it does after cleanly climb something at your physical or psychological limit, and to do it in a way which will find you somewhere few people could be, and seeing something few others have.
Photo : My favourite climber...ever...Didier Berthod...in the BD camalot ad.
Tonight has been the worst night I have had in such a very long time...parts of it are even in contention for the most damaging experiences I've ever had; it is all just to cap of one of the worst months in contention as well.
My parents have left colorado, which was the last major tie I had here. My sister still lives in Loveland, but we have never gone out of our way to more than just tolerate each other...My grandmother, the mother of my father, also passed away. I've spent most of the past week working all day from the morning on and packing and moving all evening, into a place which is small, out of the way and lonely.
My parents have left colorado, which was the last major tie I had here. My sister still lives in Loveland, but we have never gone out of our way to more than just tolerate each other...My grandmother, the mother of my father, also passed away. I've spent most of the past week working all day from the morning on and packing and moving all evening, into a place which is small, out of the way and lonely.
Tonight was very similar to that, moving the last of my things by myself and rushing around to drop some shoes off at the gym to give away for free, putting gas into Sam's car, wrapping her birthday gift...she's going to be 2o.
After running around so much, I was exhausted and just wanted to go home...but first, I chose to do something I shouldn't have, and something which is one of the worst things I have managed to do yet. Verily the night went down hill. I must chose not to say anything further both for love of others involved and the respect I should have shown them in the first place...and because I just can't find the words to make anything right anymore. I've lost something which I had held as staunch and encouraging and both by my own actions and the actions of others involved, turned it into something unerringly different. I don't know how I will make it through the changes coming.
Trying to get past that for now, for my own sake and others...
The first thing I said upon coming down from the Flatiron was that it was "life changing".I've found something amazing, a feeling... something which I've lost in so many other aspects of my life. I want to climb traditionally...There are aspects of it which appeal to me, the leave no trace ethic and such...but what really does it is the control over the situation which I seem to have all too frequently relinquished control...there is a point where you make the decision to press on and climb higher, possibly beyond something you normally consider in your comfort zone.
To me, Trad is becoming the purest form of climbing. I've done some freesoloing and I feel as strongly about that, but you are taking your own life into your hands, and for me, branching off into this, I feel that responsibility with each piece of protection I place. There is no (or less at least) casually clipping into hangars someone else has hung; there is no connect the dots of bolts to follow. As the climber, you are control. If you feel comfortable in the climbing, your protection may be 15...25 feet apart...if you feel sketched and helpless you undoubtedly try to sew in as many pieces as you can... if there is no place for you to do as much, your decision to push past is yours.
If you can break through you can find yourself in a place or perhaps a moment of temporary transcendental ascension. Metaphorically as well as the literal fact of climbing...
I don't believe in god...but if I did, I could only hope that belief would feel as it does after cleanly climb something at your physical or psychological limit, and to do it in a way which will find you somewhere few people could be, and seeing something few others have.
Photo : My favourite climber...ever...Didier Berthod...in the BD camalot ad.
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