Brendan Benson - What I'm looking for - The Alternative to Love
Well where the hell to begin...Sam and I are attempting to be friends with mixed results and lackluster enthusiasm. There is just so god damn much to fix that the only thing holding it together seems like it is idealism. She could be my best friend again, if I can get over that she was pretty much the worst friend I've had in a long time while she was my best friend. Figure that brain twist out for me. I quit frisbee, officially, because no matter how good my day is up to that point, all it took was seeing her in the environment where it would be hard to tell if she can even remember my name sometimes, much less that there is any kind of deficit or void where there had been something which is no longer.
We had lunch together and I told her I want things to change, but when things are so complicated and awful for me and it is (at least) outwardly apparent that nothing of the type even effects her and she said she loses sleep over it and is stressed and...she's so sweet that I'm almost willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Then I remember that when she broke up with Paul she was a zombie around me...Leah...in public...in private...makes me believe the loss of me ranks far far less than the loss of him and I just want to cut my fingernails too short or cut a toe off with dental floss...something dramatic and Van Gogh-esque. She cares...it's just impossible to actually see it sometimes...or believe that she is so stoic whenever she's around me, when it'd be nice to see SOME kind of emotion outside of nonchalant jackasserie.
Moving laterally:
I've never felt better physically. i know. what the fuck. This kid does nothing but complain, feel sorry for himself and whine about losing some girl who treats him less than stellar lately ANYWAY...
but I've really never been in better shape. I've lost weight, and this time in a healthy way. I feel strong. I feel good about how I look. I am climbing stronger than I ever have, with the focused reckless abandon I've needed.
I've been hanging out with Joe a lot, and I almost feel I can actually say, "my friend joe" which is odd...it's been a long time since I've used the term and meant more than just someone I know. We've been climbing a lot, trad at Cob rock, sport at Avalon, and last night we did the 1st flatiron in the dark...in approach shoes. Rad.
Training for the Diamond:
Joe and I are going to attempt an ascent of the casual route on Long's Peak. The Diamond is the east face of Longs, which is one of Colorado's Fourteeners - An official alititude of 14,259ft at the summit.
The "Casual route" goes at 7 pitches, the crux pitch and route grade goes at 10a. Did I mention you are climbing between 13 and 14,000+ feet above sea level?
We are going to do it car to car meaning no bivy, and less weight to haul in; but also a longer day, and almost 5 miles of hefty hiking before we even get to Broadway.
I've never been in better shape, and I know it's going to kick my ass.
Our first bit of Training was the 1st Flatiron in Boulder, CO.
Night Climbing...(mental preparation? not really, I've just always wanted to do it at night)
Joe come up to me a week or so ago and says, "...so...let's night climb a flatiron."
mmMOKAY!
we spent an hour or so in Boulder Canyon warming up on 5.11cs before it was dark and then I've been so impressed with my 5.10 daecent approach shoes that I decided to do the entire thing in them...so he had to man up and climb it in his LaSportiva approaches...then i forgot my chalk...then we realized we didn't REALLY know where our route started...or ended for that matter.
It was incredible time. I loved every second of it. 60-100 ft runouts didn't even phase us, the climbing was exceptional and relaxed. We kept looking for the anchor rings on the route and didn't find a single ring until the rap rings, and we were worried we wouldn't even find THOSE. Two full rope lengths with little, or actually...NO protection. (60 m rope= 196.850394ft and no protection means there is nothing catching the climber between the belayer). after what we THOUGHT we were climbing to, it was a last ditch effort to find them that I climbed up a last ledge and was never so happy to see two metal rings in my life. I was convinced we were going to become the only two idiots ever to Epic on a FLATIRON.
I rapped first off the rings and straight into open air and BLACK, and was stoked to find that there was actually GROUND, and the rope barely reached it at that.
I came away from it realizing that chalk...isn't as important as i thought, attitude and focus is, shoes...eh, to each his own. I'm not climbing 5.13 in the Daecent, but I'll happily do 1000 feet of 5.6 slab at night in them. I think Joe feels the same about his.
Joe on a ledge 600 (ish) feet off the deck. and at the rap anchors, I couldn't get that look off my face.
Next training mission is Hallett peak, which is between 11-12 thousand feet, and about as long as the Diamond, but easier climbing.
Well where the hell to begin...Sam and I are attempting to be friends with mixed results and lackluster enthusiasm. There is just so god damn much to fix that the only thing holding it together seems like it is idealism. She could be my best friend again, if I can get over that she was pretty much the worst friend I've had in a long time while she was my best friend. Figure that brain twist out for me. I quit frisbee, officially, because no matter how good my day is up to that point, all it took was seeing her in the environment where it would be hard to tell if she can even remember my name sometimes, much less that there is any kind of deficit or void where there had been something which is no longer.We had lunch together and I told her I want things to change, but when things are so complicated and awful for me and it is (at least) outwardly apparent that nothing of the type even effects her and she said she loses sleep over it and is stressed and...she's so sweet that I'm almost willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Then I remember that when she broke up with Paul she was a zombie around me...Leah...in public...in private...makes me believe the loss of me ranks far far less than the loss of him and I just want to cut my fingernails too short or cut a toe off with dental floss...something dramatic and Van Gogh-esque. She cares...it's just impossible to actually see it sometimes...or believe that she is so stoic whenever she's around me, when it'd be nice to see SOME kind of emotion outside of nonchalant jackasserie.
Moving laterally:
I've never felt better physically. i know. what the fuck. This kid does nothing but complain, feel sorry for himself and whine about losing some girl who treats him less than stellar lately ANYWAY...
but I've really never been in better shape. I've lost weight, and this time in a healthy way. I feel strong. I feel good about how I look. I am climbing stronger than I ever have, with the focused reckless abandon I've needed.
I've been hanging out with Joe a lot, and I almost feel I can actually say, "my friend joe" which is odd...it's been a long time since I've used the term and meant more than just someone I know. We've been climbing a lot, trad at Cob rock, sport at Avalon, and last night we did the 1st flatiron in the dark...in approach shoes. Rad.
Training for the Diamond:
Joe and I are going to attempt an ascent of the casual route on Long's Peak. The Diamond is the east face of Longs, which is one of Colorado's Fourteeners - An official alititude of 14,259ft at the summit.The "Casual route" goes at 7 pitches, the crux pitch and route grade goes at 10a. Did I mention you are climbing between 13 and 14,000+ feet above sea level?
We are going to do it car to car meaning no bivy, and less weight to haul in; but also a longer day, and almost 5 miles of hefty hiking before we even get to Broadway.
I've never been in better shape, and I know it's going to kick my ass.
Our first bit of Training was the 1st Flatiron in Boulder, CO.Night Climbing...(mental preparation? not really, I've just always wanted to do it at night)
Joe come up to me a week or so ago and says, "...so...let's night climb a flatiron."
mmMOKAY!
we spent an hour or so in Boulder Canyon warming up on 5.11cs before it was dark and then I've been so impressed with my 5.10 daecent approach shoes that I decided to do the entire thing in them...so he had to man up and climb it in his LaSportiva approaches...then i forgot my chalk...then we realized we didn't REALLY know where our route started...or ended for that matter.
It was incredible time. I loved every second of it. 60-100 ft runouts didn't even phase us, the climbing was exceptional and relaxed. We kept looking for the anchor rings on the route and didn't find a single ring until the rap rings, and we were worried we wouldn't even find THOSE. Two full rope lengths with little, or actually...NO protection. (60 m rope= 196.850394ft and no protection means there is nothing catching the climber between the belayer). after what we THOUGHT we were climbing to, it was a last ditch effort to find them that I climbed up a last ledge and was never so happy to see two metal rings in my life. I was convinced we were going to become the only two idiots ever to Epic on a FLATIRON.
I rapped first off the rings and straight into open air and BLACK, and was stoked to find that there was actually GROUND, and the rope barely reached it at that.
I came away from it realizing that chalk...isn't as important as i thought, attitude and focus is, shoes...eh, to each his own. I'm not climbing 5.13 in the Daecent, but I'll happily do 1000 feet of 5.6 slab at night in them. I think Joe feels the same about his.
Joe on a ledge 600 (ish) feet off the deck. and at the rap anchors, I couldn't get that look off my face.
Next training mission is Hallett peak, which is between 11-12 thousand feet, and about as long as the Diamond, but easier climbing.
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